My latest blood test looked good. Low cholesterol and nearly everything else within normal parameters. Except testosterone.

A complete blood test is good to have, although there is some pain with skipping breakfast to ensure fasting, and get the best results.

My cholesterol is 159. It’s hereditary, pulling from good genes on both sides of the family. Blood pressure is a perfect 120/70, too.

All the tests for prostate, FSH, LH, and PSA, came back low and healthy. Sodium was low. Potassium right in the middle. Calcium was within normal range, but a bit low. I’m allergic to milk.

A few of the blood tests for the number of red cells, size of red cells, and shape of red cells gave abnormal results. Again, it’s a genetic issue, nothing serious. Thanks, mom, for passing along grandma’s crazy gene.

Vitamin D looked good. I’d never been tested for that before. My pH balance indicated that I’m slightly alkaline, too, which is considered better than slightly acidic. Now we know it’s not me that caused the paint to peel from the kitchen cabinet door handles.

Testosterone was within normal parameters, too, except for the percentage of free testosterone (not akin to free radicals, I presume), which was just outside the low parameter.

How does a man increase testosterone levels? Legally. If I took whatever Mark McGwire or Barry Bonds took then my muscle mass would increase dramatically. So would the size of my head, apparently.

Being a natural kind of guy, I decided to take matters into my own hand, so to speak (apparently orgasms increase testosterone levels) and Google my way to better health.

I learned everything I need to know about testosterone from a web site called BiggerLoads.com. Amazingly you can buy stuff on the internet that will increase whatever you’ve got to whatever size you want.

There are web pages from the Mayo Clinic, WebMD, and Science Daily which explain the benefits (and dangers) of testosterone. Information about boosting testosterone is available also from web sites such as MensHealth.com, BodyBuilding.com, ThePumpingStation.com, and, my favorite, TrulyHuge.com.

The internet has become like television– a vast wasteland where lengthy, in-depth wading is required to get anywhere worthwhile. To improve my testosterone level I settled on extra helpings of cabbage. Oh, and separate bathrooms.