I didn’t do well in the VCR years. TV shows would come and go and once in awhile I would record a show to watch later.
VCR tapes were just a pain to deal with. Today, there’s the digital video recorder; the DVR. I can record TV from an on-screen schedule and store up to 80 hours for future viewing.
That’s where I found The Amazing Jonathan. Again.
No Las Vegas comedian magician captivated me as much as Jonathan. Part slap stick 3 Stooges, part stand-up comic, Jonathan stretches propriety enough so you see the edges, then releases his rubber band timing in the other direction. I bought The Amazing Jonathan video from iTunes and laughed until I cried. Then watched it again.
Jonathan is also on the web and I found a few of his choice jokes. There’s two classes. The ones below, and the ones that will get you thrown into jail if you’re caught with them on your computer.
Man: “I was fired from the Orange Juice Plant last week.”
Man: “I couldn’t concentrate.”
I’ve been to Arkansas. I understand.
In Arkansas, if you divorce your wife, is she still your sister?
Ever been to Nashville?
Q: “How do you make a Kentucky woman feel good about herself?”
A: “Compliment her on her tooth.”
A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, “Baby, pack up your things! I just won the lottery!” She replies, “Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?” The man responds, “I don’t care. Just so long as you’re out of the house by noon!”
And, my favorite:
A blonde was hard up for money, so she walked around her neighborhood, trying to find a job. She met a nice man who said he would give her work. All she had to do was paint his porch white. He gave her a bucket of paint and left. He walked into his house, laughing. He told his brunette wife what he had done. “Frank, our porch covers half of the house! You’re so mean.” his wife replied. Three hours later, the blonde went in the house, and gave the bucket of white paint back to the man. The astonished man handed her a $100 bill, and asked how she finished it so quickly. “It takes time, but it was easy.” was her reply. “Oh, and it’s a Ferrari, not a Porsche.”
Alas, we saw the Amazing Jonathan’s live stage show in Las Vegas. It wasn’t so much funny as it was foul. My ears are still burning.